The blogosphere has been on fire the past few days because of the revelation that the popular and inspirational blog “A Gay Girl in Damascus”, was actually written by a male, white, married, American college student living in Scotland. You can read the story here. In light of this, I have a few confessions to make as well.
First and foremost, I am not a middle-eastern lesbian. I am a straight white guy living in the ghetto part of the nice part of Las Vegas.
I never won the Nobel Peace Prize in Mathenometry. I’m not even sure that’s a real category.
The pictures of my penis that I tweeted are in fact pictures of my penis.
There is a growing faction of people who believe that 9/11 was an inside job. Well, I’m here to tell the world that the inside job was an inside job. Actually, the inside-inside job just started as some inside temp work, that eventually led to a full-time inside job. It just goes to show, if you work hard, anything is possible in America.
I never bested Shaq in a dunking contest. I did, however, own him in a tickle fight.
I served 2 years in maximum security prison after my illegal chimp-fighting league was busted. I’ll never forget the disappointed look in Captain Thumblefeet’s good eye as they carted him away. He could have won the championship!
I am not married to Megan Fox. In my defense, in some cultures when you send someone your severed pinky toe, you are officially married.
Despite what my hilarious t-shirt says, I am not a gynecologist.