Things I've learned from watching "COPS"

This is a short list of things I’ve learned from watching COPS:

Never run from the police. On second thought, ALWAYS run from the police.

Check your pockets. There’s a really good chance that’s there’s a bunch of crack that you had no idea was there.

All prostitutes are men in drag.

All men in drag are prostitutes.

Turns out, drunk people are a bit of a public nuisance.

PCP stands for Please Call the Police. This substance is responsible for more naked rampages than anything else in the history of naked rampages.

Cops like tasering people as much as you like watching cops taser people.

There is nothing on earth more disgusting than getting slammed face first into the street during New Orleans Mardi Gras. I’d rather drink Rush Limbaugh’s bath water.