New solutions to old problems – part 1

Some problems have been plaguing the human race since the beginning of recorded history. Clearly, our solutions to these problems haven’t been working. This is part 1 of New solutions to old problems.

Political Scandals – Ever since there has been politics, there has been political scandal. This has been a perennial distraction and all around time-waster. Let’s try this. Only people that have been involved in previous sex scandals can run for public office. That way when the inevitable happens, and some congressmen is caught fellating a transvestite hooker at his son’s sixth birthday party, no one will be surprised and we can move on as a country. A lot more will get done.

Rape – It’s a sad truth that rape has been occurring since the dawn of human existence. I think it’s a solvable problem in the 21st century, I prepose this; A rape conviction will only carry a three year sentence, but the offender must undergo a mandatory sex change operation before being thrown into maximum security prison. I think this would serve three purposes:

1) After they serve their three year term in the rape factory, they won’t be able to commit any more rapes.

2) Prison rape would be focused on the rapists, and not the poor schmuck that was caught growing pot plants or cheating on his taxes.

3) Since they are only serving three years, they won’t be a burden to the state forever, but they will have to bear the psychological scars of a raped woman for the rest of their life.

I think this policy would pretty much make rape a thing of the past. Everybody wins! (except rapists)

Natural disasters – Currently, we are nature’s bitch. From now on, people that live in disaster prone areas must build disaster proof housing and infrastructure, or they need to live somewhere else. This is basic shit. I’m tired of people that live in hurricane prone areas, being taken off guard by a hurricane in the peak of hurricane season.

Depression – Any American that claims to be clinically depressed will be loaded onto a crowded ship and sent to the slums of India. They have to stay there until they admit how good they have it, and agree to stop acting like a whiney, spoiled turd. This will hurt the pharmaceutical industry, but I think they’ll be ok.

About Dan Rumer

Dan Rumer is a professional drum tech and amatuer asshole residing in Henderson, NV. He enjoys cheap food, expensive beer and his cat, Optimus Prime. View all posts by Dan Rumer

2 responses to “New solutions to old problems – part 1

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