I am not a middle-eastern lesbian

The blogosphere has been on fire the past few days because of the revelation that the popular and inspirational blog “A Gay Girl in Damascus”, was actually written by a male, white, married, American college student living in Scotland.  You can read the story here.  In light of this, I have a few confessions to make as well.

First and foremost, I am not a middle-eastern lesbian.  I am a straight white guy living in the ghetto part of the nice part of Las Vegas.

I never won the Nobel Peace Prize in Mathenometry.  I’m not even sure that’s a real category.

The pictures of my penis that I tweeted are in fact pictures of my penis.

There is a growing faction of people who believe that 9/11 was an inside job.   Well, I’m here to tell the world that the inside job was an inside job.  Actually, the inside-inside job just started as some inside temp work, that eventually led to a full-time inside job.  It just goes to show, if you work hard, anything is possible in America.

I never bested Shaq in a dunking contest.  I did, however, own him in a tickle fight.

I served 2 years in maximum security prison after my illegal chimp-fighting league was busted.  I’ll never forget the disappointed look in Captain Thumblefeet’s good eye as they carted him away.  He could have won the championship!

I am not married to Megan Fox.  In my defense, in some cultures when you send someone your severed pinky toe, you are officially married.

Despite what my hilarious t-shirt says, I am not a gynecologist.

About Dan Rumer

Dan Rumer is a professional drum tech and amatuer asshole residing in Henderson, NV. He enjoys cheap food, expensive beer and his cat, Optimus Prime. View all posts by Dan Rumer

2 responses to “I am not a middle-eastern lesbian

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