Pumas make terrible babysitters

We are all aware that there is an underground economy in this country. Pumas are willing to work for a few hunks of antelope meat, and people are exploiting cheap Puma labor to the detriment of our society. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t let a puma babysit for you.

-They lack opposable thumbs.

In an emergency, valuable seconds would be wasted while they fumbled with the phone trying to dial 911.

-Pumas will drink all of your sprite.

It’s a fact that Pumas love sprite, and will drink every last drop in your house as soon as you leave. The scientific name for Pumas is Felinus Drinkallyourspritus.

-Pumas have no sense of humor.

If they see the “Can I haz cheezburger” wallpaper on your computer, they WILL take a dump on your bed.

-They refuse to learn english.

I’ve tried, they just won’t do it. They do, however, speak fluent French.

-They are too racially sensitive.

If they see you wearing Puma sneakers, they feel as though you’re exploiting their proud Puma heritage, and they WILL take a dump on your bed.

-They are notoriously lazy.

If there is a sunny spot in front a window, they will nap there while your toddler sticks their tongue in your wall outlets.

-They cut corners.

Instead of changing a diaper, they will probably just eat your child.

And if you’re still not convinced, they will steal your DVDs. It may seem like I’m stereotyping here, but it’s the truth.


About Dan Rumer

Dan Rumer is a professional drum tech and amatuer asshole residing in Henderson, NV. He enjoys cheap food, expensive beer and his cat, Optimus Prime. View all posts by Dan Rumer

2 responses to “Pumas make terrible babysitters

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