Pumas make terrible babysitters

We are all aware that there is an underground economy in this country. Pumas are willing to work for a few hunks of antelope meat, and people are exploiting cheap Puma labor to the detriment of our society. Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t let a puma babysit for you.

-They lack opposable thumbs.

In an emergency, valuable seconds would be wasted while they fumbled with the phone trying to dial 911.

-Pumas will drink all of your sprite.

It’s a fact that Pumas love sprite, and will drink every last drop in your house as soon as you leave. The scientific name for Pumas is Felinus Drinkallyourspritus.

-Pumas have no sense of humor.

If they see the “Can I haz cheezburger” wallpaper on your computer, they WILL take a dump on your bed.

-They refuse to learn english.

I’ve tried, they just won’t do it. They do, however, speak fluent French.

-They are too racially sensitive.

If they see you wearing Puma sneakers, they feel as though you’re exploiting their proud Puma heritage, and they WILL take a dump on your bed.

-They are notoriously lazy.

If there is a sunny spot in front a window, they will nap there while your toddler sticks their tongue in your wall outlets.

-They cut corners.

Instead of changing a diaper, they will probably just eat your child.

And if you’re still not convinced, they will steal your DVDs. It may seem like I’m stereotyping here, but it’s the truth.

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About Dan Rumer

Dan Rumer is a professional drum tech and amatuer asshole residing in Henderson, NV. He enjoys cheap food, expensive beer and his cat, Optimus Prime. View all posts by Dan Rumer

2 responses to “Pumas make terrible babysitters

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