Red Bull: Secret Recipe Revealed

I can’t divulge my sources, but I can tell you that retrieving this information involved hijacking a train, and a tasteful amount of waterboarding. Here it is internet, Red Bull’s secret recipe:

3.5 fl oz. – high fructose corn syrup

4 fl oz. – higher fructose corn syrup

3 tablespoons – grape robitussen

1/2 teaspoon – extra virgin Bolivian orphan tears

1 thimble – Dr. Pepper

3 strawberry Pez (crushed)

5 750 mg capsules – horse amphetamines

add just a dash of mineral oil to give you that trademark Red Bull diarrhea.

Serve chilled.

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About Dan Rumer

Dan Rumer is a professional drum tech and amatuer asshole residing in Henderson, NV. He enjoys cheap food, expensive beer and his cat, Optimus Prime. View all posts by Dan Rumer

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