9 am – Wakes up. Fixes bowl of generic Cheerios, cries into them.
9:45 am – Sniff tests Wendy’s uniform shirts, wears the smelliest one anyway.
11:14 am – Shows up late to work at Wendy’s, reminds manager that he’s Fred Durst. Manager reminds him that he doesn’t give a shit.
12:36 pm – Tries to convince female customer that he’s Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. She gets a good laugh when she realizes that he’s not lying.
1 pm – Tells everyone the he has a lunch meeting with a big time record producer. Rides his bike to Starbucks and cries in a bathroom stall for 20 minutes.
1:30 pm – Returns to Wendy’s drive thru. Says, “I did it all for the cookie!” every time customers order a chocolate chip cookie. Gets zero laughs. Decides to scream “You gotta have FRRIIEEESSS!” instead. Gets written up.
2:47 pm – Pretends to be on a reality show when exgirlfriend shows up at the drive thru.
6 pm – Leaves work.
6:23 pm – Logs onto facebook, sees picture that exgirlfriend posted of him working at Wendy’s.
7:07 pm – Works on solo rap project. Only word that he can rhyme with cheeseburger is hamburger. Decides that “writing about what you know” is stupid. Gives up.
8:11 pm – Decides to make a Marie Calendar pot pie for dinner. Manages to fuck that up worse than his music career. Eats more generic Cheerios.
9 pm – Jealously watches “Dancing with the Stars”.
9:54 pm – Cries for 35 minutes after Susan Lucci is eliminated.
10:29 pm – Candlelit bubble bath.
11:55 pm – All tuckered out. Time for bed.