A penny for my thoughts would be a rip off.

If I owned a machine gun, I would use it to assassinate high-ranking watermelons.

Call me a feminist, but I have no problem punching a woman in the face. I’m all about equality.

We can’t get people to recycle, we can’t get everyone to drive a hybrid, but at least we’ve agreed as a society to stop wasting paper on books.

Will a White House intern blow Obama already so we can get this economy back on track?

Do they still make fruit by the foot? If they do, they should probably stop.

I wonder if any conspiracy theorists ever consider that their conspiracy theories may themselves be a conspiracy. (Somewhere, a conspiracy theorist just read this and shot himself.)

Most “guitar players” that I meet are actually just guitar owners.

From now on, I won’t believe anyone is dead unless Obama releases a picture of their corpse.


About Dan Rumer

Dan Rumer is a professional drum tech and amatuer asshole residing in Henderson, NV. He enjoys cheap food, expensive beer and his cat, Optimus Prime. View all posts by Dan Rumer

7 responses to “A penny for my thoughts would be a rip off.

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