If I owned a machine gun, I would use it to assassinate high-ranking watermelons.
Call me a feminist, but I have no problem punching a woman in the face. I’m all about equality.
We can’t get people to recycle, we can’t get everyone to drive a hybrid, but at least we’ve agreed as a society to stop wasting paper on books.
Will a White House intern blow Obama already so we can get this economy back on track?
Do they still make fruit by the foot? If they do, they should probably stop.
I wonder if any conspiracy theorists ever consider that their conspiracy theories may themselves be a conspiracy. (Somewhere, a conspiracy theorist just read this and shot himself.)
Most “guitar players” that I meet are actually just guitar owners.
From now on, I won’t believe anyone is dead unless Obama releases a picture of their corpse.