Writer’s block is a bitch. For me writer’s block isn’t the inability to come up with new ideas, it’s usually the inability to come up with GOOD ideas. Here are a few blog premises that never got off the ground over the past week or so.
Zombie food-critics – A group of zombies discuss their divergent views on the taste of various people’s brains. I was really excited about this one and it seemed like it was going to be good. Unfortunately, it was a little one dimensional, and any time I wrote about a non-white person’s brain (I make fluorescent light bulbs look black), it always came off a little racist. I’m going to keep trying with this one. I think some comedy nuggets can still be mined from this pit of oblique racism.
What my cat does while I’m at work – I was sure I could conjure something from this. Alas, the best comedy comes from the truth, and the truth is that my cat just naps and licks his b-hole all day while I’m gone. I could have made him an evil mastermind or something, plotting the end of the world, but I thought that was a little too “the Oatmeal”-ish.
the Revenge of Ozombie bin Laden – part 2 – If you have read part 1, then you may be looking forward to part 2. The truth is, I ended the first one on a cliffhanger for a couple of reasons;
1 – I prefer to read and write shorter blog posts. As it stands, it’s already longer than I would like for a single post.
2 – I thought of “Ozombie bin Laden” and basically crapped out the first thing that came to mind so I could “put a flag in it” before anyone else did. I couldn’t think of a good ending at the time, so the cliffhanger seemed like the natural thing to do.
I never really intended to end it….. so, sorry if I misled anyone. Surprisingly, the world moves so quickly these days that it already seems passe.
Jeeorge Karllin – In my most desperate moments, I considered rewriting a George Carlin bit, but changing it around enough so it seemed original. I’m not proud that I considered this option, but I am proud that I decided against it. “Good artists copy, great artists steal” – Pablo Picasso (this is a real quote).
Dave Chappelle’s Writers Block Party – “Writer’s block” has been at the spear’s tip of my consciousness, so you can see where this idea came from. I was going to do a thing where Dave Chappelle throws a block party for history’s most notable writers. He would narrate their drunken exploits and interact with them, hilarity would ensue, etc. I don’t like to underestimate my audience, but I wasn’t sure if people would understand the real life debauchery of Bukowski or Hemmingway enough to find this funny, or even Emily Dickinson getting hammered and flashing everyone. Also, Dave Chappelle is one of the funniest people alive, so it’s impossible to write him as a character, even remotely (try it). Not to mention, Dave Chappelle’s Block Party came out like 5 years ago, so it lacked a certain freshness that any good blog needs.
Well, this isn’t my best post, but I’ve written something. Even if it’s a half-assed post about writer’s block, I feel much better.