I can’t divulge my sources, but I can tell you that retrieving this information involved hijacking a train, and a tasteful amount of waterboarding. Here it is internet, Red Bull’s secret recipe:
3.5 fl oz. – high fructose corn syrup
4 fl oz. – higher fructose corn syrup
3 tablespoons – grape robitussen
1/2 teaspoon – extra virgin Bolivian orphan tears
1 thimble – Dr. Pepper
3 strawberry Pez (crushed)
5 750 mg capsules – horse amphetamines
add just a dash of mineral oil to give you that trademark Red Bull diarrhea.
Serve chilled.
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